I wonder...

I am not so arrogant or self absorbed as to think that God had something planned for just *me* with Libby's stomach and surgeries and hospital stay. And what I mean is that I don't think God thought about giving Libby to us in the way she was born and thought "Gee, I really want to teach April something" or "Gee, this is what I want April to get from this." I realize that what Libby went through reaches far beyond me and maybe even over me...maybe He is using this to teach Libby's grandchildren who I will never meet...I don't know. But I do know it's not all about me.

Still, I found myself wondering today if maybe one small reason I got Libby when I did and how I did was because He gifted me with the ability to love and enjoy her more than I would have otherwise...meaning she is my 3rd child and having a 3rd child has been about 10x harder than I thought it would be. Perhaps had she been born a normal healthy baby I'd be annoyed with her at times or wonder if having a 3rd when we did was the right choice...but having her spend so long in the hospital and having me pray so much and so often for her, I have never taken one moment of these past nearly 4 months of her being home for granted. I have not once wished her away, even for a moment so life could be easier. I know that I love my children equally but somehow what she went through makes me treasure her more. And maybe that was a little gift from God to help me transition better to 3 kids. Thank You.