Double Uh-Oh

My maternal heart had another beat this week. Yesterday at work, I was in a meeting and we were discussing baby cues and states, etc. One of the pictures they showed was of a red faced, fist clenched, complete all out scream fest of a newborn baby. My heart started fluttering and my stomach did flip flops and...gulp...I wanted that baby for my own. Uh oh. If it weren't for a due date at the beginning of November, I might be tempted to throw caution to the wind and try again this month...

This feeling is so different than what I had with Anne. We had Anne so quickly (both in conceiving her and in her early birth) that I never got a chance to truly long for her, to desire her and to want to meet her. I love these feelings I get now towards a future baby. I think the more of them I have it just shows me that there is a better chance of me falling in love sooner and adjusting quicker to the new baby than I did with Anne. Yet as much as I love these longings of my heart, I am also terrified of them...and terrified of what pregnancy and birth and a newborn might mean to my fragile emotions and this new perfect, orderly world I have set up as of late with Anne and I. There is so much running around in my head right now, I will have to blog about it sooner or later...things that are running around constantly that need to get out and be said. But in time...