Monday, August 08, 2011

All is right with the world...for just a moment

Libby nursed for the first time on Saturday. I was so thrilled and consider it a personal gift from God that she latched on and ate right away. This after not eating anything by mouth since she was born til she was nearly 5 weeks old and then having a bottle for 9 straight days. I thought the best I could hope for was that she'd glance at the breast. I had zero expectation that she would actually take it in her mouth, let alone suckle, let alone actually feed! Through all of this, I have felt that Libby being a girl was a gift from God-I so wanted another little girl and would have loved a boy as much as I love Jamie but giving me a girl I felt was a little touch from Above. And now letting Libby nurse was another gift in all this pain and chaos and uncertainty.

I have nursed her about 6 or 7 times now and although she for sure needs to work on perfecting her latch and I want her exclusively at the breast and not on bottles, it has been lovely every time she has nursed.

Twice now she has eaten her fill, come off and I've put her over my shoulder to burp her. She curls her little tiny legs into her body and she is as small as she was when she was inside me (she isn't even 6lbs yet after all). Her tiny little toes rest on my chest and her head lays over my heart. I hold her-one arm under her little butt that is so small I almost lose it and the other pats her back. She lays her head down and breathes in so calm and content and soothed. I lay my head against hers and close my eyes. And for that one moment, while she is happy and calm and content and my heart is slowed and full, among the beeping of machines and the voices of strangers and the cries of sick babies, all is right with the world. For just that one moment.

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