Saturday, July 16, 2011

How will this all end?

So how will this all end? We are right smack in the middle of this with no end in sight. John's been saying it's like we are lost in a forest without any idea of which direction to go in or how far it is to get unlost. So how does this all end? When does my little girl heal up? When does she start to eat? What happens when she starts? Does it go smoothly? Is it rocky? Just how long til she's home? When she gets here, how will it all go? Is she going to be a "normal" baby or will she struggle to eat, to put on weight, to keep things down? I wish so much I had just the tiniest of foresight on how this all ends. Maybe then this whole thing would be easier to deal with...knowing there was indeed an end in sight. But right now I am so lost, every tree looks the same, the edge of the forest is a 100 miles away if it's a foot. And I'm weak and wounded and hungry and weary and I have no idea how I can move an inch much less the long journey that is ahead of me.


Just Me said...

April, you will get through it.

I think that is the worst. The not knowing. The feeling of anticipation.

Libby is doing what she needs to do so she can come home and be the best that she can be.

You have arguably the hardest job of all. I know. It freaking sucks. But you can do it.

My kids NICU days are all a blur because I spent them in a sleep deprived pumping haze. Falling asleep beside isolettes to the hum and beep of the incessant machines.

Even though, right now, in the thick of it, none of this makes sense, you are just getting by, you are doing it. You are succeeding. You are teaching your kids love, empathy, and generosity.

Soon, but not soon enough, Libby will be home.

Laura said...

you are doing a great job! Hang in there. You are being a brave mother & you are doing what is needed for your family. It's exhausting and really tough, but there will be better moments to come. Tell yourself, this too will pass and soon we'll be out of the forest - one step at a time. My heart goes out to you. If we lived close, I'd come and see you. *hugs*