Friday, April 30, 2010

My Darling First Born

Dear Anne,
Today you are 4 years old.
How is that possible? Did I just give birth to you the other day? Didn't we just struggle through the first few months of babyhood? Didn't I just fall head over heels in love with you, a love deeper than I could have ever imagined-a love so deep I used to cry just thinking about you? Didn't you just start walking and talking and calling everything "this"? Didn't you just get your diaper changed and call out for your "bobbie" and suck your bottle dry while we changed you? Didn't we just have your birthday party and afterwords, after being surrounded by friends and pregnant mamas and a room full of little kids, decide we wanted another one? Didn't we just say how amazing you were and how much we wanted another baby, because you were so great? Didn't I just quit my job so I could stay home with you, my desire to be with you so strong that work seemed torturous? Didn't we just buy you a shirt that said "Guess what...I'm going to be a big sister"? Didn't you just say in your baby voice, so sweet and high and babyish, "I'm going to be a big sister"? Didn't you just go through your naughty phase, me roundly, hugely, uncomfortably pregnant, you in the height of 2's? Didn't I just have your brother, and you came home and saw him and looked at him like he had been there the whole time, shrugging him off, not in jealously or negativity or even indifference but in a "yeah, he's my brother so what" sort of way? Didn't you just start preschool, in your Elmo jumper, hair in pig tails, and I dropped you off, drove away and immediately started to ask you a question and stopped mid sentence because I realized you weren't there. Didn't you just start to fully, completely, wonderfully express yourself in questions and thoughts and ideas? Didn't I just look at you yesterday and think "I love this little girl...she is amazing...I am so blessed." Didn't I just pray and thank God that He gave me to you? Oh my sweet little girl, how I love you. I love every second with you. I love seeing you grow and change and become YOU. I know these years are going to go too fast and before I know it I will look back and wish with all my heart to just have one day back of you being a four year old. You are wonderful and amazing and I am so lucky to have you. I am so grateful that God gave me YOU. I love you with my entire being, more than I could ever hope to tell you with words. May God continue to bless you and I and our family for many more birthdays to come.

1 comment:

Erica said...

Sniff, sniff. Happy Birthday, Anne! Happy anniversary of becoming a Mommy, Momma! We miss you.