Musings from a full heart

I held Jamie today after feeding him, his head fit beneath my chin, his feet, when his knees are bent and curled, hit the bottom of my stomach. He is so small. He sucked his thumb as I held him. I think he knows if he cries he is gonna go right down for his nap, so he settled in sucked and was content for a few minutes to be held. I wore him on my back later and was hit with harsh reality that very very soon, he will not fit on my back, he will not want on my back. My little buddy boy who loves to be worn, who would be content to be worn for hours, will someday sooner than I am ready, be done with it and prefer the freedom of running around. This time with my children is so preciously short. Before I know it, it will all be over. Sometimes I can almost feel it slipping tangibly through my fingers. I can almost see myself 10, 20, 50 years from now, remembering life with a 3 year old, and a baby wishing so desperately to have just a moment of that back.

These days are long, but as I have come to see the past 3 years, 4 months, one week and a handful of days (longer if you count my pregnancy with Anne), the years are so very very short. Jamie will be crawling, running, talking before I know it. How I wish I could grab ahold of cruel time and slow it down for a second, stop it in its tracks and hold my little boy, head under my chin, toes tickling my stomach, for longer than time wants to give me. These children are so very very precious to me. I love them with everything inside of me. I am still in awe every time I realize the cliches about a mother's heart and love are all true. Oh sweet little ones, stay my babies for just a little longer. Please stop growing and changing just for a minute. Please let me hold you in my arms, protecting you, keeping you safe, forever. I love you my babies, my very precious and priceless gifts from God. Thank You.