Today was my second to last day at work. Again, very weird. I think what was much weirder today than last week is I feel like a complete outcast. I feel like half the people aren't acknowledging me at all (there were several people today who didn't even look at me as I walked past them, which is unusual) and the other half said hi and stuff but didn't acknowledge that I was leaving. There were a few people that did talk about it, but very few people. It's really sad to me that I gave 4 years of my life over there, 2 of the years were Anne's life, and I get the strong vibe that no one, except maybe one or two people, even care that I'm going.
I am feeling very lost and like I'm treading water in the ocean. I'm not quite sure where I'm supposed to go next and both options scare the crap out of me. On one side is a new job, and yet with a new job comes a ton of change: new hours, a new place to work, new co-workers, new responsibilities, possibly a new daycare for Anne. But getting a new job means that I'll fall into somewhat the same routine I am used to. On the other side is staying home full time. This too has its own set of problems: isolation, an easy fall into depression (from being alone all day long with a toddler and not much to occupy my mind), and the worry about money. However, I remember feeling this way when Anne was born, that I wouldn't know what to do with myself for 5 days a week for 12 weeks before I went back to work, and I remember it passing very easily with only post partum hormones contributing to negative feelings. The bigger part of me wants to stay home with Anne because it's an easier out. I don't have to step out of my comfort zone and I can indulge my selfish side. I can spend her naps reading, watching TV, working out to my heart's content. And yet the threat of not having enough money to make it seems very real to me as well. Time will tell. And as I wallow in indecision, I continue to tread water, not sure what to do, where to go, hoping somehow that the decision will be made for me....
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dont forget that it is OKAY if you dont find anything for a few weeks, even a few months. you guys wont go homeless! it may be nice, too, to take a couple weeks off in between jobs to adjust to the changes.
when i quit, the first like 3 weeks were a little weird. not depressed, just sort of like..."what do i DO when she is napping?". you will probably feel a little lonely at first. maybe make a plan for each day to start out. sort of like two or three activities (even if just walking to the grocery store or going to the park), mixed in with making it a point to call two or three friends per day.
i was wary of staying at home full time too, but i quickly realized that IT IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD! small things like cooking, cleaning, playing dont seem "annoying" because you have all the time in the world to dedicate to them.
and dont forget that we are here whenever you guys want to go out for a fun afternoon.
also...i dont think you are getting your "juicy fruit" sippy back...charlotte calls it by name (anne's sippy) and needs it every night to go to sleep :)
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