I don't know why I obsessively am terrified of being pregnant. About every 2-4 weeks (despite hard core evidence to the contrary) I start to worry that maybe I'm pregnant again. I start to notice that I felt more tired than usual, I ate more than usual, I ate less than usual, I felt a little nauseous today, I felt off in general. So I start to notice these insignificant "symptoms", blow them up into something big and before I know it, I'm crying in my car begging God to please not let me be pregnant again. I think it's because once Anne was born I realized I wasn't ready for even her, and we wanted her and tried for her. I know I am no where ready to have another baby. In fact, most days I honestly toss around the idea of having an only child. If I were pregnant now, despite my faith that it wouldn't be an accident and would be completely God's will, I would have a very hard time not spending the entire 9 months crying.
Anyway, every time I start to worry that I'm pregnant, I go out and buy another pregnancy test. I try to limit it to once every 2 months or so. Good news people-I'm not pregnant. The test this afternoon confirmed it.
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3 comments:
April, I know what you're feeling when you don't think you're ready. I felt a lot of mixed emotions when we accidentally got pregnant with Evan. If it's any consolation, when the time comes, God won't give you anything that He can't help you handle. (BUT maybe you should double-up on your contraceptive methods (or completely avoid your fertile week while doing FAM) so you don't have to worry so much in the meantime!!!)
Oh my gosh, you're so funny!!!! So I guess it's not 4 or 5 kids anymore huh? I think you must be spending too much time with Anne at home.... I think she's making you lose your mind ;)
I can relate to the I'm not ready thing too. But it is a little funny how often you worry about it! Seriously you guys should do some heavy duty contraception methods so you can relax.
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