33 Weeks

I am 33 weeks today and this past week has been an emotional one for me. There is so much going on regarding this pregnancy. I have basically been *done* since 28 weeks. I am extremely uncomfortable, almost continuously in pain unless I'm standing (and side note, if I stand for more than an hour-like when I'm cleaning the kitchen or cooking-my back just starts to ache). My ribs hurt when I lay down and especially when I sit. Within about 2 minutes of sitting (and no, this is not an exaggeration) I start to have a searing pain in my ribs. My uterus is just so far grown and I'm short so it has grown up as high as allowed. I cannot wait for the baby to drop so I can get some relief from this. Heartburn started back up this week and unfortunately for me, it's an all day affair. If I eat one bite of offending food I have heartburn for about 12 hours. Again, no exaggeration. And that means I have no appetite. Unfortunately that does not mean my body doesn't need food. So while I'm sitting there with acid up into my throat, no appetite at all, I'm dizzy and light headed because I need to eat since it's been like 6 hours. I'm also freaking out about how much bigger I can possibly get. This baby probably needs to double it's size still. At the very least it needs to gain about 3 more pounds minimum. My stomach already feels stretched to the absolute max and I cannot imagine how I can have a baby grow double in the next few weeks. I was actually in tears the other night (not a big deal for a pregnant woman) because I just cannot fathom how I can get bigger. And just to up the complaints a little bit more, I have to pee like every 10 minutes. No exaggeration. (Do you see a theme here?) Here's an example. I'll go to the bathroom about 10 minutes before we have to leave somewhere. I'll pee again right before we leave. When we get there-maybe 20 minutes later, I have to pee again. And of course before we get back in the car I have to pee again. And rush right into the bathroom when we get home. It's getting old knowing I can't really travel more than 30 minutes without a bathroom in sight.

But enough of the complaints, because I could go on even more about them. Our baby could make his or her entrance very soon. I have only 4 more weeks until I'm full term and I have feeling this little one will be coming between 37 and 38 weeks. Now that I've said it and told a few people I think that means it will come at 41 weeks. It is always so incredibly surreal to me each time we approach this time during a pregnancy. It is so hard to believe that there is an actual person in there who is going to join our family forever. I cannot imagine what it will be like to hold a newborn again and to be its mother. I can't imagine having 2 kids running around and nursing my baby. I can't imagine Jamie being a big brother. It seems so impossible and yet in 28 days it could happen! How? How can something so life changing happen in a matter of seconds and minutes and hours?

I am particularly excited to meet this baby because I have no clue what the sex is. We found out with Anne, and I will always be happy we did. We decided not to find out with Jamie for the sole reason that I thought he might very well be the last baby so I wanted to know once what it was like to be surprised. From the first few weeks of the pregnancy we thought he was a boy. I had a few weeks near the end of hopeful doubt (I'll be honest-I wanted a girl) but we never really strayed from thinking he was a boy. When he popped out and proudly showed us who he was, it was sort of anticlimactic. I almost shrugged as I saw him and said to John "It's a boy babe". This time around though I have no clue. For a while at the beginning I thought it was a girl. Now the past few weeks or months I have thought maybe it's a boy. So really, I have no clue. I guess if I absolutely had to make a guess I'd say I think it's a boy. But my certainty is like 55%. So not much better than a coin toss. I am really excited to see what it is when it's born. It will be a true surprise so I'm excited to know what that's like.

So right now I just hang on. I count the days (yes, I actually wake up each morning and count) until I reach 37 weeks so the baby can be born and be full term. I hate this bubble of waiting right now-the one where if the baby comes now he/she might be sick or small and for sure spend time in the NICU. I just want to move past this into the safe zone and relax and wait for our little one to come. And even though it feels like it's years away it will be here in the blink of an eye.