|5 years, 51 weeks, 6 days ago...|
Sunday, April 29, 2012
What I didn't know...
I didn't know that I was going to wake up and become a mother 6 years ago. I thought I had several more weeks. I didn't know my body knew exactly the perfect time to have a baby and bring her into the world. I didn't know that becoming a mother would be one of the hardest things I would ever do in my life-especially those first long, lonely months when it was just she and I without many friends to keep me company. I also didn't know that I would come to love someone so intensely. That the mere thought of her would make me cry. That my prayers would suddenly, always, firstly be about her safety and protection. I didn't know she would grow into a toddler and then a girl with a personality. A girl who loves her mama best, loves her baby sister more passionately than I thought possible, who loves her brother and plays with him so well, and who loves her daddy-even though he is a boy. I didn't know she'd love princesses and loose her two front teeth. I didn't know she'd go to kindergarten and make me cry. I didn't know that as full days of school approached more quickly than I thought possible that I would wish time to stand still and go back rather than race forward so I could get some alone time. I didn't know that I would take back all those wishes for just some time alone, for some time before kids again and instead wish for time to forever stand still so that I could hold my little girl-turning 6 years old tomorrow-just a little longer. I feel her bony legs and arms and have her still small enough to curl up on my lap and be held. I didn't know these 6 years would slip by so quickly and I don't know that the next six will go by even faster, and the six after that even faster. But mostly, what still baffles me, is that I just didn't know, couldn't know, how much I love her-love them. I cannot put into words how I feel about her and yet every mother reading this can feel her own heart strings being tugged because she knows what I know. What a blessing to have her as my daughter, to know her. Oh what I didn't know then but what I do know now. That this crying 5.5 lb baby who has seemingly stolen your life has actually given you more life than you could have ever known without her. I love you Anne Lyneth Faith Gap Atwood. I am beyond blessed to be your mother, that you are my daughter and that we get to do this together.