So as where a month ago I had a list as long as my arm and emotions to go with it for what I was thankful for, as the day got here, I found my heart was not in it. So I write this post, feeling sort of hypocritical-verbalizing what I am thankful for but not quite feeling it. However, even without emotions, the reality of how blessed I am is there, and so I will give thanks:
Whenever I pray, I, of course, always thank God for my family. But I do it with true, heartfelt gratitude. For you see, I did not grow up in a picture perfect family. I know most, maybe if we are truthful-all, of us would say "of course you didn't-that ideal doesn't exist." But for me, I still have battle scars on my soul that although nearly healed over, occasional still hurt when touched in just the right way. And so because of this, I think I am more grateful for what I now have with John than others who might have grown up differently. I am so thankful for my husband, and I truly feel as though he is the best husband in the world. He is giving, selfless, loving, caring, concerned, and a million other adjectives that would truly describe him. I married my best friend, and I know unless an act of God calls him Home, we will grow old together-enjoying each other as much as we do now. Wistful thinking-I hope not, I don't think so...I really think we shall be in our 60s with grandkids on our knees and matching wedding rings on our fingers. And of course my children, which can bring out the worst in me, but also the very best in me. My children, first Anne, now Jamie, who were the first people on earth to show me what it means to love and to be in love. Whom I love so much, I could cry at any given moment. Whom I would give my entire life to protect and keep safe. I am so grateful to have been blessed with them. I am so glad (as we tell Anne) that God gave them to me and not a different family. I don't think we are quite done with children yet-time will tell that tale-but for right now, I am madly in love with our little family of 4.
And of course-I am thankful for loads of other things-for things that bring me joy, for hobbies, for different experiences, and for the wealth I have as an American. I am aware that all around the world, these things I take for granted are luxuries. Food, warm clothing, shelter...and it brings me full circle back to my faith and how blessed I am that God has allowed me to be born in America where these luxuries are not, they are givens.
Thank You, Father, for all the incredible blessings you have given me this Thanksgiving and everyday.