Saturday, January 31, 2009

Nerves

Today I am 35 weeks and 3 days. Our midwife has given us the go ahead to deliver at home at 36 weeks since we've had a healthy, early baby before (Anne was born at 38 weeks). We just saw her today for an appointment and all looks well. Baby is growing appropriately and is healthy. When the midwife felt for the head, her eyes got big and she said "Yep, it's down there". I've known for weeks now that the baby has dropped and has been "far down" but today was the first confirmation from a professional. Later, when we asked her what station she thought the baby might be at, she said "Zero". (Quick lesson-being at -3 or -4 station means baby is "floating" in the uterus. Being at -1 or -2 means baby is engaged in the pelvis. Being at 0 means baby is even with the pubic bones. Being at anything positive means baby has moved into the birth canal-I believe the head is born at +3 or +4 station.) Basically this means the baby is as low as it can get without being born or going into labor.

Now that the appointment is over, I have an overwhelming urge to crawl into bed and cover my head-my preferred method of dealing with stress. I feel so overwhelmed-being at 35.5 weeks, not yet full term, not yet at an optimal time, worried so deeply that this baby will come early. Since we have the go ahead to have a home birth as early as Wednesday, I feel confident that we'll make it to Wednesday, but now I'm starting to doubt and wonder about how far we will get before this baby is here. The whole pregnancy I've been counting on it arriving at 38-39 weeks and now I wonder if baby will wait that long. Ideally, 37 weeks would be infinitely better (in my mind) than 36 weeks and I find myself wondering if we will get to that point. When I shared all this with John he reminded me that God is Sovereign and already has this all planned out. He already knows exactly when this baby is going to be born, how it's going to be born and we need to trust in that and bring all our cares to Him. It is hard though. How I desperately wish for time to speed up and get to 37 weeks so we can breathe a sigh of relief that we are now at a point in time we feel 100% comfortable with. Little baby and Great Lord, please let this child stay in and grow for another week and a half. Amen.

2 comments:

Shellie said...

Don't worry too much. I know in my heart you and baby will be just fine. Try to remember that it's normal for us to deliver a little bit early and that all the baby's vital organs and systems are developed. These last few weeks it's mainly about putting on fat. So if your little one comes at 36 weeks, all will be well. Even if baby comes a little bit before 36 weeks, all will be well. Don't worry too much about not being able to deliver at home. If that does happen, it would just take away from the joy you can still get from a hospital birth if that happens. But I think you're going to make it to at least 36 weeks anyways. I'm hoping for you. Love you Little Sis.

Atwood-Family of 3 said...

Thanks Shellie! That's encouraging to hear you think we'll make it to at least 36. I'm always encouraged when someone says they "feel" something and it's in line with what I feel or hope. Your comment makes me feel better! Thanks!