Nostalgic

This week I've been very introspective and nostalgic. A bit of melancholy thrown in there as well. It has nothing to do with the miscarriage, and everything to do with some work I've been doing on myself lately. Wednesday I took a longer walk with Winnie, without headphones (which is a rarity) then spent the last 10 minutes of it sitting and watching the lake outside our subdivision. (Again a rarity). When I got home I spent some time journaling and crying.

I've been listening to CDs from my college days. Songs that had SO much meaning then, because everything in a late teenage girl's life is about drama, now are having meaning for me again. I've been listening to some of the songs over and over and I long for the days when I used to lay on my bed (back when I didn't have insomnia and could actually lay on a bed w/o fear that I couldn't sleep that night) and have the song repeat over and over for sometimes hours on end. I've been thinking about old friends and old relationships, some that were so intensely close, and now I haven't talked to those people in years. I wonder what went wrong to cause a relationship that was so close to fizzle out. Old desires I had back then are resurfacing. Things I thought were healed are showing that they never were, they were just scabbed over, but the wound is still there. It's been a pretty intense week emotionally for me. But, it's good. I'm a different person now than I was back then. So the things I'm dealing with again, are not the same even though many of the circumstances or desires or issues haven't changed. I am interested to see where I'm going to be in 5, 10, 20 years. I wonder if and when these things will finally get resolved? When I will finally get to see them worked out. A verse that meant so much to me in college was brought to mind this morning:

"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."
~Psalm 27:13-14

And that's what I'm trying to do right now...